you may need to stop at the women's restroom . . be prepared!

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.

You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR! ), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance." To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you
can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean
the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT

It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered,used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately!

This is Beautiful!

I just love this. . .I have seen it more than once. . .

She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: "How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?"

The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it."

Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?"

The surgeon asked, "Would you like some time alone with your son ? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university."

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. "Would you like a lock of his hair?" the nurse asked.

Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.

The mother said, "It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. "I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom." She went on, "My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could."

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.

The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.

She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She laid down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Laying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said:

"Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say "I Love You". I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I gothere and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He when I needed him?' "God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children. Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now He needs it to write more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The canceris all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?

Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.

(Let's see Satan stop this one.) Take 60 seconds and repost this, within the hour, you will have caused a multitude of believers to pray to God for each other. Then sit back and feel the Holy Spirit work in your life for doing what you know God loves "When you're down to nothing, God is up to something."

THINK ABOUT THIS

I am sorry but after hearing they want to sing the National Anthem in Spanish - enough is enough. Nowhere did they sing it in Italian, Polish, Irish (Celtic), German or any other language because of immigration. It was written by Francis Scott Key and should be sung word for word the way it was written The news broadcasts even gave the translation -- not even close. Sorry if this offends anyone but this is MY COUNTRY - IF IT IS YOUR COUNTRY SPEAK UP -- please pass this along.
I am not against immigration -- just come through like everyone else. Get a sponsor; have a place to lay your head; have a job; pay your taxes, live by the rules AND LEARN THE LANGUAGE as all other immigrants have in the past -- and GOD BLESS AMERICA!

PART OF THE PROBLEM
Think about this: If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone -- YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM!
It is Time for America to Speak up

If you agree -- pass this along, if you don't agree -- ignore it!


Yep, I passed it on!

Wow! I got a Rockin Blogger Award!

Thank you so much Her Indoors I am so honored and still surprised to have received this!

So I get to give this to five more bloggers, so here goes.

Pamela at The Dust Will Wait because she is such a wonderful story teller and blog buddy.

Arkansas Songbird at Quarter Notes because she also has wonderful stories and keeps us in tune!

Tiggerlane because I totally want her offspring to date my offspring! She always compliments my boys and family! Tiggerlane you are a wonderful Blog Buddy!

Vicki because she is full of spunk and always has something wonderful to share!

Swampwitch you are getting this award because it never fails if I'm reading your blog or your comments I know that one of the two will make me smile!

It is now your turn Ladies to nominate five more Rockers! Enjoy!

This is so much Fun!

Birddog, My Redneck Romantic

This past Saturday night Birddog and I used a Gift Certificate that several of our friends had gone together to purchase for my graduation at a Bed and Breakfast.

When I opened it I was just amazed and thought to myself, Birddog isn't gonna like this. He is not a romantic type. . .but that's okay - he's a wonderful hubby and daddy. :)

We booked this weekend so we didn't have to argue with Bud about him being 18 and able to stay home alone - Scoop and him were at a basketball camp - didn't that work out just perfect? :)

Anyway, Birddog and I went and watched the boys play a couple of games and went over to a casino nearby - we hadn't been to one since they have become so popular in our state. . .I wasn't impressed with the one we went to. I do have a question, this will tell you how often we go gambling, hehe - do you not put coins in the slot machines anymore? All of the machines took bills - there wasn't anywhere to put my nickels!

After about an hour we headed on our great adventure. . .We had looked at the website and had our choice of the Bed and Breakfast or cabins - and we chose the cabins. We haven't ever been to a Bed and Breakfast and Birddog just wasn't real sure about that.

Aaron's Gate is such a nice place. We would not have ever paid for something like this for ourselves - so THANK YOU AGAIN TO ALL OF OUR FRIENDS WHO PURCHASED THIS GIFT CERTIFICATE. . .

We stayed in the Copper Dove cabin. This place has five different cabin's and all of them are decorated different. They all have jacuzzi tubs, 2 person hot tubs, 2 person showers, dry saunas and kitchenettes. They are designed exclusively for ROMANCE. . .

They are built on a wooded lot with privacy in mind. . .Each cabin offers its own unique romantic spot. . .The Copper Dove had an armour that when the door was opened led to another door that took you outside to a small deck that was furnished with a small table and 2 chairs and there were also stairs that went to a small balcony (picture featured with couple drinking champagne) that had 2 chairs and a small table.

So here goes the romance. . .The minute you open the door to the Copper Dove to the left is the jacuzzi tub. . .my Birddog (gotta Love Him) - says, "What the hell is that doing right there?" Hehe. . .The bed was in a little nook to the right of the door and he didn't see it - he walked through the small living area and kitchenette to where I had dashed to go potty - so therefore the toilet and shower were located at the back of the cabin - - - yelling, "Where is the bed?" LOL - I thought to myself - oh boy - this is going to be interesting. . .

For a bit we just sat there not really knowing what to do. . .Finally we decided to go into town to eat dinner. . .I thought we were going to have to do something to get this kicked up - and be what it was supposed to be. . .I spotted a liquor store and suggested getting something for us to drink. . .Isn't that horrible? So we bought some wine and some Jack. . .Very good idea. . .We had a nice dinner. . .Stopped and picked up snack food (just in case) and headed back out. . .When we got back we got into the furnished robes and houseshoes and went out with drinks and sat and visited on the screened in porch. . .Finally we climbed into the dry sauna for a bit and finally Birddog came out of his shell a bit - showed me more romance that I have ever had from him in the 25 years that we have been a couple. ..

The next morning we got up and made the breakfast that was mixed up and ready to cook - heart shaped cut strawberries, waffles, fresh fruit in sauce, and a breakfast quiche. . .Absolutely WONDERFUL! ! ! We checked out right at the deadline. . . :)

My Birddog is a Redneck Romantic - but I guess that's better than nothing right?

Fun Monday - The Car(s)

Okay, going to give you all a good laugh. . .You get to start with my kiddos cars. . .Yep - we bought Scoop a car (he will be driving in September). . . couldn't pass this deal up and what a sweet car it is. . .

My Birddog took the boys out and let smoke them tires (used Clorox for the cool white smoke). . .Bud was putting new tires on the next day. . .We plan to use this picture of Bud burning out as a background for one of his senior pics and silhouette him in the corner through the window of his truck. . .I think it will be really cool - and I also think I've already told you this once (sorry). . .Not much sleep. . .

Okay, here's my ride - unfortunately you aren't getting a better picture because it is in the shop being worked on. . .We are slowly doing things to it to make it different from everyone elses. . .if you can't tell - we don't wanna look like everyone else :)



If I have time I will add ugly. . .You've already seen the Yukon from when Bud dressed it up while his truck was being fixed. . .

Thanks Tiggerlane for hosting this week's Fun Monday. . .Stop over and see who all is participating and what modes of transportation everyone has!

Son-In-Law

AS A WOMAN PASSES HER DAUGHTER'S CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR, SHE HEARD A STRANGE BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM WITHIN. OPENING THE DOOR, SHE OBSERVED HER DAUGHTER GIVING HERSELF A REAL WORKOUT WITH A VIBRATOR. SHOCKED, SHE ASKED: "WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING?"

THE DAUGHTER REPLIED: "MOM, I'M THIRTY-FIVE YEARS OLD, UNMARRIED, AND THIS THING IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND. PLEASE, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE."

THE NEXT DAY, THE GIRL'S FATHER HEARD THE SAME BUZZ COMING FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR. UPON ENTERING THE ROOM, HE OBSERVED HIS DAUGHTER MAKING PASSIONATE LOVE TO HER VIBRATOR. TO HIS QUERY AS TO WHAT SHE WAS DOING, THE DAUGHTER SAID: "DAD I'M THIRTY-FIVE, UNMARRIED, AND THIS THING IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND. PLEASE, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE."

A COUPLE DAYS LATER, THE WIFE CAME HOME FROM A SHOPPING TRIP, PLACED THE GROCERIES ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER, AND HEARD THAT BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM, OF ALL PLACES, THE LIVING ROOM. SHE ENTERED THAT AREA AND OBSERVED HER HUSBAND SITTING ON THE COUCH, DOWNING A COLD BEER, AND STARING AT THE TV. THE VIBRATOR WAS NEXT TO HIM ON THE COUCH, BUZZING LIKE CRAZY.

THE WIFE ASKED: "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

THE HUSBAND REPLIED: "I'M WATCHING THE FOOTBALL GAME WITH MY SON-IN-LAW."

Wordless Wednesday

I Have an 18 Year Old

Wow! I never dreamed 18 years ago yesterday (7/9/89) holding Bud that I would be saying he was 18 years old. . .

Then, he's a Senior. . .UG. . .He has been talking careers here lately. . .I'm very proud to say that he is considering becoming a Pharmacist. . .Lots of schooling but I think he will like it. . .He likes Chemistry and Math so he should do well. The school he is considering going to his cousin goes to and she will be able to introduce him to other students, etc. Also, the coaches have said that the school is looking at him for Football and Baseball. . .so, we'll just have to wait and see on that one. . .

We are working on scheduling pictures around Debbie's schedule and ours. . .we have one of him that we took of him doing a burnout in his truck and Debbie is going to take one of him through the window and silohette it with the burnout. . .I think it is going to be really, really cool and different. . .We aren't telling anyone what we are doing because they all want to copy cat. . .Isn't that sad? But, I can't wait to share with all of you! ! !

Sorry it's been so long but we have been busy. . .and, I don't think things are going to lighten up any too soon. . .I'm trying to get back into the swing of things - Bear with me! ! !